Grieving the Death of Your Marriage
October 20, 2022
Ending a relationship is never easy, and regardless of who decides to end it, there will always be a grieving process for both parties involved. The most important thing you can do for your mental health is to accept this truth and allow yourself the time to grieve. It will take at minimum, 6 months, but it often takes longer, especially if the relationship was a long one. During this time, you want to be sure to be mindful of your sense of self. Not only do you not want to make rash decisions as a result of being angry or hurt, but you also want to avoid being overly anxious to “prove” to your partner that you’re not being vindictive or materialistic.
Although there is far less stigma attached to divorce now than there was in the past, it’s not at all uncommon for someone going through one to feel isolated and alone. Part of this may well be the result of society not viewing the grieving process during a divorce in the same way they view the grieving process after the death of a friend or loved one. However, let’s take a moment to think about the definition of death. According to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions is “the passing or destruction of something” and also “a cause of ruin”. What is divorce if not the passing or ending of a marriage? Is it not just as important to grieve for the “death” of your relationship?
When dealing with the sadness and grief that are an unavoidable part of divorce, it’s imperative to keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to navigate through the process. What works for some people might not work for others. For some people, throwing a divorce party and burning pictures or their wedding attire helps bring closure. For others, writing a goodbye letter and perhaps expressing the feelings you may not feel comfortable telling your partner face to face is very cathartic. Many people find talking to a therapist to be immensely therapeutic when working through their grief.
Remember to be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time. Just as with the grieving process after the death of a friend or loved one, there are stages of grief after a divorce that you’ll need to work through. Many people think they’ve gotten through one stage and moved on to the next only to find themselves backsliding to a previous stage temporarily. This is completely normal and to be expected. Just know that with every day that passes, you are one step closer to processing your grief and sadness, and one step closer to both mental and emotional healing and acceptance.
Having the ability to file for divorce online is one way to help alleviate some of the mental and emotional stress that is a part of any marriage ending. Not having to spend your time meeting with attorneys, going to multiple court dates, etcetera allows you to spend your time and energy on your emotional wellbeing and going through the grieving process so you can heal and ultimately move on with your life.