Humans by nature are social creatures, so it’s only natural for you to eventually want to seek out companionship after a divorce. However, if there are children involved from your previous marriage, you will definitely want to take things very slowly when introducing them to someone new in your life. Doing so will not only spare your children from unnecessary heartache if things don’t work out in your new relationship, but it will typically make the acceptance of your new partner go quicker and be easier for everyone involved.

Although there is no exact timeframe set in stone regarding the length of time you should wait before introducing your children to the person you’re dating, there are some general guidelines that are worth following. Realistically, most dating relationships that fail do so within the first 9 to 12 months, so waiting to introduce your children until you’ve hit that mark makes sense. Since children tend to form emotional attachments more quickly than adults, introducing a new partner too soon could result in the child getting hurt again if the new relationship doesn’t work out. Studies have shown that children experiencing repeated losses such as this will negatively affect their long term mental health, their success in their own future relationships, as well as their relationship with you. Experts also agree that when a child is introduced to a parent’s new partner too quickly, they are more likely to either completely reject them (and occasionally the parent as well), or intentionally sabotage the new relationship.

Once you’ve made it successfully to the 9 to 12 month mark in your relationship and have determined that you and your significant other are committed to the relationship and are in it for the long haul, HOW you introduce your children can make a big difference in how quickly your kids accept both your new partner and the relationship. The first step should be telling the other parent beforehand that you’re planning on introducing the children to your new partner. Doing so prevents the other parent from being caught off guard and potentially upset and angry that they found out about the introduction through their children. If kids see their other parent upset because they weren’t told about this introduction taking place until after the fact, it may well cause the child to become upset as well, which in turn could result in them rejecting your new significant other.

Next, choosing a neutral location outside of your home for the initial introduction is important - even more so if there are very young children involved or if the other parent also lived in the home before the divorce. A small child may be more prone to feeling like you’re trying to replace the other parent, so having the first few meetings in a fun and neutral environment can help put them at ease and alleviate some of the stress.

You’ll also want to keep the initial introduction brief and avoid being physically affectionate with your significant other in front of your kids. Typically, an hour or so is a good start for the first few interactions. Watch your kids for any indication that they’re uncomfortable or not emotionally ready to meet your new partner. Don’t try to force them into long conversations immediately. They will be more comfortable with your new partner and the relationship with time, so taking it slowly and not trying to rush things is key.

After a few fun and easygoing outings, you can move on to inviting your partner over to your house for something like lunch, dinner, game night or movie night. Continue to avoid displays of physical affection with your partner in front of the kids, and continue to be mindful of how your children are handling things. If they seem stressed or uncomfortable, wrap things up for that day and try again on a different one.

Remember that it’s completely normal for there to be a period of adjustment for your kids before they completely accept your partner and the relationship. There may also be some hiccups along the way. Be patient and listen to any fears or concerns they may have. Don’t hesitate to get counseling from a family therapist if you feel that it will help. Ultimately, your children will adjust to this new normal and share in your excitement for this next chapter in your lives.

After a divorce, the sad actuality is that some of the friends you have may not stay in your life. For example, if they were friends with your ex before your relationship started, they may feel like they need to remain loyal to them, and thus cut you out of their lives. Fortunately, losing friends because of them feeling like they need to remain loyal to your ex can often just be temporary. As time passes and emotional wounds begin to heal, you may well find some of these people back in your life. This is an example of why it’s important to be mindful regarding your emotions and take care with the things you might say in a moment of hurt or anger that you may not actually mean down the road.

Unfortunately, it is far more common for women to lose some of their friendships after a divorce than it is for men. There are a few different reasons for this, but they all have one thing in common. What possible reasons are there for women being more prone to losing friends, you ask? Well, one reason is because a newly single female is often perceived as a threat. Being married, a woman is typically considered off limits, but as a single woman, whether founded in reality or not, you may have female friends who may now be worried that you’ll try to take their partner. Another reason that you may find yourself with fewer friends is because people can view divorce as something that’s almost contagious. Perhaps having a friend who’s currently going through or who has just recently gotten divorced causes them to reevaluate their own marriage. If that marriage wasn’t solid to begin with or is going through a rough patch, it may be easier for them to cut you out of their life than to deal with confronting their own marital issues. Finally, a reason for women losing friends is because, as discussed earlier, there is a grieving process when going through a divorce, and many people are simply uncomfortable dealing with grief, whether it be their own, or watching a friend go through it. Therefore, to them, it can be easier to just avoid it. Is this a healthy response? Absolutely not. However, it definitely happens.

Have you noticed the one thing the three reasons listed above as to why a friend starts ghosting you after a divorce have in common? It’s being afraid. It’s being afraid that a newly single woman is now a threat to them and their relationship. It’s being afraid to analyze their own relationship and marriage for fear that it may also lead to divorce. It’s being afraid to confront their own feelings of sadness and grief or be afraid to support you while you do.

Understanding the reasons behind women losing more friendships after a divorce may not make it easier to handle at the time, but it should help reassure you that it isn’t your fault if it does happen. A friend’s inability to cope with their own feelings of fear has nothing to do with you and your friendship. It’s something they’ll have to deal with on their own. However unpleasant it is to go through losing a friend at the time, the truth of the matter is that the friendships you may lose as a result of another person being afraid isn’t really a friendship worth keeping. True friends will be there for you no matter what, not just when it’s convenient for them.

At the end of the day, understand that while divorce isn’t easy, and that it’s possible you will lose some friends as a result of your marriage ending, your happiness in the end is worth it. If there are friends who don’t remain in your life, feeling sadness for such a loss is completely normal and to be expected. Just as you grieved for the loss of your marriage, you will need to go through the grieving process for any friendships that have ended as well. Allow yourself to process these emotions and grieve. It’s important to be kind to yourself. Keep in mind that there’s no right or wrong way to feel about losing a friend. Most importantly, remember that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, and choosing to end an unhappy marriage is the first step towards that light.

So, you’ve made the difficult decision to end your marriage. At some point, it is inevitable that you will need to let your family and friends know about your divorce. Even though it may not be the easiest discussion to have, there are some ways of handling it that might make the conversation a bit easier.

Obviously, if there are children involved, they should be the first people you break the news to. Ideally, both you and your partner should sit down together with your children to explain what’s happening. Focus on the positive aspects of the divorce, such as less fighting between their parents, the fact that ultimately, their parents will be happier, which will mean the entire family will be happier, etcetera. One very important thing to avoid doing is placing blame on the other parent or putting them down and talking badly about them. Regardless of how angry and upset you are with your soon to be ex, forcing your children to pick sides isn’t fair to them and will ultimately only cause more trauma.

You and your spouse will also need to share the news with your families. Typically, you would each talk to your own respective families, and whether you choose to do that together or separately is completely up to you. Generally, a brief explanation will suffice for most family members. Saying something to the effect of “after much deliberation, we’ve realized that our marriage is no longer working, so we’ve made the difficult decision to get divorced and go our separate ways. We would appreciate privacy as we navigate through this new chapter in our lives” should be sufficient. Obviously, if there are close family members whom you feel need more of an explanation, then absolutely share as much as you’re comfortable with.

As it relates to breaking the news to your friends, the same type of short and straightforward approach will also be fine. However, understand that if you and your spouse have mutual friends, then they often feel as though they have to choose sides. Although it may hurt to feel like you’re losing a friend, it’s often only temporary, and once the dust settles you may well find them back in your life. For this reason, you should make every effort to not allow your hurt feelings to cause you to burn bridges with those you care about and consider friends.

Going through a divorce is a difficult thing for anyone, so the last thing you should have to deal with is heaping on additional stress by feeling like you need to overshare the details of your divorce or answering questions about it that you aren’t comfortable with. If there are details of your divorce that you don’t wish to divulge, then don’t let anyone make you feel pressured to do so. Ultimately, what details you share and how much to elaborate on those details is your decision to make.

Most importantly during this trying time in your life, remember that your family and friends care about you and are trying to support you in the best way they know how. Divorce isn’t easy for anyone to go through. Keep looking ahead to the future, understanding that it does eventually get easier, and knowing that you are not alone.

There is no magic period of time that a person should wait after a divorce before they begin dating again, as everyone is different. However, generally speaking, one year is usually the period of time one should aim for before they jump back into the dating scene. You want to make sure you’ve had ample time to grieve for and come to terms with your divorce, neither of which can be effectively done if you’re actively navigating through the dating scene.

You also want to make sure that you’re dating for the right reasons. Dating shouldn’t be a way to distract you from your thoughts and feelings, because you don’t like the idea of being alone, or because you’re craving affection and a self-esteem boost. Additionally, after the end of your marriage, you want to have time to reflect on what about your previous relationship didn’t work, as well as reflecting on if there was anything missing in the relationship that you now realize is important to you in future relationships. Spending time alone to reflect will also help you learn more about yourself - your wants and needs, understanding your reactions to the everyday stressors that are bound to happen in any relationship, as well whether the ways you handle specific situations could be better handled differently.

When you think about it, being comfortable and happy on your own is absolutely crucial for any long term relationship to last. You have to be able to make yourself happy on your own before anyone else can make you happy. It is much easier to learn about yourself, including your wants and needs in a relationship when you’re alone and not being influenced by or catering to someone else’s wants and needs.

Once enough time has passed after your divorce that you feel ready to get back into the dating scene, and you know more about what you’re looking for in a partner, as well as qualities you don’t want in a partner, it’s important to take things slowly. You definitely don’t want to dive headlong into a new relationship too quickly. It’s best to take your time and really get to know the person you’re dating. Being slow and deliberate when getting to know someone and opening up to them helps mitigate potential heartache if things don’t work out.

Ultimately, you want to make your feelings and emotional wellbeing a priority. Don’t make the mistake of ending one bad relationship just to jump headlong into another one. Take the time after the conclusion of your relationship to heal emotionally and reflect on what does and doesn’t work for you in a partner and relationship. Don’t feel pressured or rushed to re-enter the dating scene. The timeline that works for one person may not work for another. The most important thing is to be happy and comfortable with yourself. The rest will fall into place in due course.

The sobering fact is that over 20 percent of marriages end in divorce within the first 5 years, and 48 percent don’t make it to 20 years, with finances being the leading cause of marital troubles. Knowing this fact should tell you how important it is to be knowledgeable about the financial situation in your marriage from the beginning. If financial problems are the leading cause of marital issues, imagine how quickly those issues can develop if one partner has no knowledge of the family’s basic finances, like how much money is being brought in every month, how much is being paid out on bills, housing and other living expenses. Imagine if one partner doesn’t even know how much money is in the bank at any given point in time, and doesn’t have the ability to check. It’s a recipe for disaster.

If you’re in a marriage and have absolutely no clue about your finances as a couple - or even worse, have no knowledge of your family budget and no ability to access money without having to ask your spouse, should you ever have to make the decision to file for divorce, things could quickly become exceedingly difficult should your spouse refuse to allow you to access money. Additionally, you may well end up being taken advantage of financially during the divorce if your spouse decides to be vindictive and hide assets.

Regardless of how happy you currently are in your marriage, it’s critical that you take a proactive role in your family finances, such as knowing the family budget, knowing what money is coming in and going out every month, and having access to your own funds. An easy way to do this is by having both a joint checking account with your spouse, as well as you both having a separate checking account that isn’t shared. That way, if things ultimately don’t work out, you won’t be trapped because of a lack of access to money.

When two people get married, the last thing they want to consider is that their relationship won’t last. Sadly, with over 1 in 4 marriages failing within the first five years, and the high cost associated with hiring a divorce attorney in the United States, being financially prepared just in case the need ever arises is imperative to avoid the unnecessary stress and mental anguish that would otherwise be unavoidable if you have no knowledge of your family’s finances and/or no access to money.

If both you and your spouse have equal knowledge of your budget and finances and you both have the ability to access cash, the likelihood of having a more amicable and far less stressful divorce goes up significantly. It will also make filing for divorce online easier, which will save you time and money.

Think of being financially prepared and knowledgeable in your marriage in the same way as you think about hurricane preparedness when you live in Florida. It’s not fun to think about and no one wants to go through it, but being prepared nonetheless will make all the difference should you ever have to.

Ending a relationship is never easy, and regardless of who decides to end it, there will always be a grieving process for both parties involved. The most important thing you can do for your mental health is to accept this truth and allow yourself the time to grieve. It will take at minimum, 6 months, but it often takes longer, especially if the relationship was a long one. During this time, you want to be sure to be mindful of your sense of self. Not only do you not want to make rash decisions as a result of being angry or hurt, but you also want to avoid being overly anxious to “prove” to your partner that you’re not being vindictive or materialistic.

Although there is far less stigma attached to divorce now than there was in the past, it’s not at all uncommon for someone going through one to feel isolated and alone. Part of this may well be the result of society not viewing the grieving process during a divorce in the same way they view the grieving process after the death of a friend or loved one. However, let’s take a moment to think about the definition of death. According to Merriam-Webster, one of the definitions is “the passing or destruction of something” and also “a cause of ruin”. What is divorce if not the passing or ending of a marriage? Is it not just as important to grieve for the “death” of your relationship?

When dealing with the sadness and grief that are an unavoidable part of divorce, it’s imperative to keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to navigate through the process. What works for some people might not work for others. For some people, throwing a divorce party and burning pictures or their wedding attire helps bring closure. For others, writing a goodbye letter and perhaps expressing the feelings you may not feel comfortable telling your partner face to face is very cathartic. Many people find talking to a therapist to be immensely therapeutic when working through their grief.

Remember to be gentle with yourself and take things one day at a time. Just as with the grieving process after the death of a friend or loved one, there are stages of grief after a divorce that you’ll need to work through. Many people think they’ve gotten through one stage and moved on to the next only to find themselves backsliding to a previous stage temporarily. This is completely normal and to be expected. Just know that with every day that passes, you are one step closer to processing your grief and sadness, and one step closer to both mental and emotional healing and acceptance.

Having the ability to file for divorce online is one way to help alleviate some of the mental and emotional stress that is a part of any marriage ending. Not having to spend your time meeting with attorneys, going to multiple court dates, etcetera allows you to spend your time and energy on your emotional wellbeing and going through the grieving process so you can heal and ultimately move on with your life.

Developed with ❤️ by
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram